Friendship Circles
Friendship Circle #1
Bride and Groom have expressed to me the importance of actively involving all of you in their wedding celebration.
We are going to share a ritual, the Friendship Circle,that originated in the Quaker tradition.
In a moment, I’m going to ask you all to get up and form a circle around the chairs.
Then, anyone who wishes to may share their thoughts and feelings about Bride and Groom coming together in marriage.
You may want to offer them your blessing or to share a story about them, a reflection of a time you have shared together. Whatever comes forward is just fine.
So now, let us form our circle of family and friends.
When Your Ceremony Involves Children
In this first example, the Bride had a five-year-old daughter from a previous marriage.
Involving Children #1
Officiant:
This ceremony marks not only the union of Groom and Bride as husband and wife, it also celebrates the combining of Groom and Bride with her daughter, Child 1, to form a new family.
(The daughter is invited to join her mother.)
Bride to Daughter:
Because Groom and I are getting married today, that means we three are becoming more of a family today too.
One reason I decided to marry Groom is because he cares so deeply for you.
So, today Groom is joining our family because we love him and we are so happy together.
Groom to Bride’s daughter:
Child 1, I am so happy that we are a family. I want to protect you, to take care of you, to love you, and to always be your friend.
I give you this necklace as a symbol of my promise to always be there for you.
(He puts the necklace on her and she sits down.)
In this next version, the Bride and Groom brought five children under age seven together from their previous marriages into their newly formed family.
Involving Children #2
Officiant:
Today marks not only the marriage of Bride and Groom, but the formalizing of the family bond they are creating with their children Child 1, Child 2, Child 3, Child 4, and Child 5.
Bride and Groom to Children:
(reading alternating paragraphs)
Child 1, Child 2, Child 3, Child 4, and Child 5, we are now one family, a mom and dad, brothers and sisters.
Each of you has so much beauty inside.
You can do anything you choose to do with your life.
We promise to be patient and to support each of you, to give you strength and room to grow, to do less correcting and more connecting, to stop playing serious and to seriously play, to do less tugging and do more hugging.
Life is full of surprises, and we want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter what you do or who you become, we will always love you.
Child 1, Child 2, Child 3, Child 4, and Child 5, today we give you these rings to remind you of our love and to serve as a symbol of the unity of our new family.
Here is another version in which the Bride and Groom each bring a son to the new family created by their marriage.
Involving Children #3
Officiant:
This ceremony marks not only the union of Bride and Groom as husband and wife, but like ripples on the water, their union creates new family circles as well.
So we are here also to celebrate the combining of Bride and Groom with their sons Bride’s son and Groom’s son into a new family created by this marriage.
Bride to Groom’s son:
Groom’s son, I feel blessed that our families are joining together today and that Bride’s son and I can continue our special friendship with you.
Even though we will spend time together as a family, your time alone with your father is just as important. I promise you that will continue.
I give you this chain as a symbol of my promise to be your friend and to always be there for you.
Bride to her son:
Because Groom and I are getting married today, that means we are becoming more of a family today too.
One reason I decided to marry Groom is because he cares so deeply for you.
So, today Groom is joining our family because we love him and we are so happy together.
Groom to Bride’s son:
Bride’s son, I am so happy that we are a family. I want to protect you, to take care of you, to love you, and to always be your friend.
I give you this ring as a symbol of my promise to always be there for you.
Groom to his son:
Groom’s son, you and I will always be special buddies, and I want you to know that it means a lot to me that you have grown to love Bride and Bride’s son too. While we will all be a new family together, you and I will always have our special friendship. I love you forever, buddy.
In this example, the children are called forward to say vows of love and loyalty to their new family after the Bride and Groom exchange their Wedding Vows.
Involving Children #4
Officiant:
Today, Bride and Groom are joined in their vows by Child 1 and Child 2, for they too wish to express the love and commitment they have given and received, and will continue to feel as a part of this family.
For you, Child 1 and Child 2, something very special is happening today.
In this ceremony, you are sharing in the celebration of the happiness that is present in your family, and you are affirming your role in that most fundamental of all human relationships.
May the joy and excitement of today and the warmth and loving of your homealso serve as a model for you of what you will seek and find when it is your time to enter into marriage and to create your own family.
(The Officiant then asks each child to repeat the following vow):
I, Child 1, do hereby promise to love, honor, and cherish my family and God, to always be honest and true about who I am, and to honor and respect the truth of each member of this family.
(The children return to their seats and then, after the Bride and Groom share rings, the children are again invited up to receive rings as well.)
Officiant:
May I have the children’s rings, please?
Bride and Groom:
Child 1 and Child 2, we give you these rings today as tokens of our love for you,and as a symbol of the unity of our family.
Older children are more likely to be sensitive about participating in the ceremony if their other parent is unhappy about it, especially if still single. These concerns should be honored by all means. It is important to remember that there are many confusing emotions to be processed by children when a parent is getting remarried.
Sometimes, more mature children like to write something to read during the wedding ceremony. Again, they should be invited to participate, but never forced to do so.
This next sample is an adaptation of the Candle Ceremony to include children.
Involving Children #5
Officiant:
Bride, Groom, Child 1, and Child 2, you have all pledged your love to your new family and promised to love and nurture each other.
Love is something very magical.
It is a gift from God that lights us up inside.
And when two people join their hearts together in marriage, their lights flow together and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.
When a family is formed as an extension of this union, the light is intensified by the light that flows from the children as well.
The happiness you feel in being a family together is a reflection of this.
This light that you have, this happiness, comes from God.
So when we love one another, we are experiencing God’s presence in our lives.
Bride, Groom, Child 1, and Child 2, you are divine and eternal beings, and as you come to know this, you will never cease to wonder and glory in your coming together as a family.
By being a loving family, you will awaken your love for God and your knowledge of the fact that within each human being burns the spark of the divine.
When people love one another with devotion and freedom, they kindle the awareness of that spark in each other as nothing else quite can do.
Bride, Groom, Child 1, and Child 2, in joining together today, you kindle one another’s divine light and promise always to do your best to see that light in each other and to nurture and tend that divine flame in one another as best you can each day, especially at the times it may be hardest to do, and the times when one of you may doubt or forget the existence of that light within yourself.
Ceremonies With Hallie 