Gathering Words #1
Welcome.
A wedding is such a wonderful occasion, filled with hopes, dreams, and excitement.
We are here today to celebrate the love that Bride and Groom have for each other, and to recognize and witness their decision to journey forward in their lives as Marriage Partners.
A more formal and traditional beginning to the Gathering Words might be as follows.
Gathering Words #2
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here, in the presence of these witnesses, to join together these two individuals in holy matrimony; which is an honorable estate, revered since time immemorial as the most profound and tender of human relationships.
It is therefore not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently and deliberately. Into this holy estate these two persons come now to be joined.
The following selections are grouped thematically by the meaning of love, marriage, and the gathering of the Couple’s families and friends. This first group of passages (Gathering Words #3–8) focuses on the value and importance of love in our lives.
Gathering Words #3
For those of us blessed by a true partnership of love, we feel safe in the presence of our loved one.
There is no need to hide any part of ourselves for fear of being judged or rejected.
We can just be together from moment to moment, believing that those moments will thread together into eternity.
There is a gentleness to the presence of love that softens life’s rough edges. It makes us somehow braver to go forth into the world knowing that the shelter of someone’s love awaits us at day’s end.
We are most vulnerable when we love.
We place our trust in another to honor us and to care for us, to treasure us and to receive our love.
In love, we trust that the other will provide a safe haven in which we can experience and share the fullness of our being with one another. And in so doing, we trust that our lives will be far richer than had we chosen separate journeys through this world.
We trust that our love will fill us full and make us wiser and more beautiful beings.
We find that our union graces our lives with balance, a sweetness beyond any we have ever tasted, and a treasure beyond any measure of value we have ever known.
Gathering Words #4
Whenever we attend a wedding celebration, we are given the opportunity to reexamine our own lives. We might look at the radiance of the couple before us and be tempted to compare their obvious joy to the quality of our own primary relationships.
The truth is that each one of us is a powerful creator in the dance of love and marriage. Each one of us, each moment of every day, has the choice to rededicate ourselves to one another or to withhold our love and caring.
Love is powerful. It is simple. Yet it is very complex.
In order for love to flow between two people, four things must be happening at once. Each person gives their love to the other and each is the receiver of the other’s love. Love requires us to be vulnerable to each other so that our love may flow back and forth through these four doors.
There are so many ways that we can choose to be in a relationship with each other.
It is only through love that our spirits are lifted into a oneness that transcends all the dualities we experience in our lives.
Loving is the only experience that enables us to see that our separation is only a condition of the physical and material level of being— that our souls can soar and merge as one.
It is love that gives the deepest meaning to our lives. It is our highest calling, our greatest purpose, and our finest achievement.
Gathering Words #5
If you ask most couples who have a strong and abiding love what they like most about their partners, usually they will say that they don’t have to pretend to be anything other than what they are. They are able to express themselves without fear of being judged or rejected. There is room in the relationship for both of them to be unique individuals. They are free to surrender to the possibility of profound intimacy— to be known and loved without condition.
Gathering Words #6
For quite some time now, Bride and Groom have known and loved each other.
They have been strengthened by their love and have received many blessings through its beauty and tenderness.
They have learned that they can depend on each other and on the power of their love, and that through each other they are becoming better people.
Today, they come before us to enter into the sacred covenant of marriage, vowing to be partners through the trials and triumphs of their shared life.
They are declaring to each other and to all of us present that they will be by each other’s side, no matter what life brings their way.
Gathering Words #7
Love has gathered us here today.
We are here to celebrate the love that Bride and Groom have for each other as well as the love that each of you has given them throughout their lives.
As families and friends, you are the ones who have taught Bride and Groom how to love.
You have shown them the blessings that come through loving one another.
Having planted this seed of love in them, we are now gathered to support them as they embark upon their voyage of discovery as Marriage Partners.
We are here to see them off on this journey. Let us also be there to see them through.
Gathering Words #8
Bride and Groom have been together for quite some time now.
As the years have gone by, their love has grown stronger and more beautiful. They have learned that they can depend on each other and the comfort of their bond to bring forward an abundance of gifts and lessons into their lives.
Through their sacred union in marriage this day, they are declaring to each otherand to this gathering of their families and friends that they will be by each other’s side, no matter what life brings their way.
The next passages (Gathering Words #9–13) express the power and importance of marriage. The first is from The Book of Common Prayer.
Gathering Words #9
The union of Marriage Partners in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity, and, when it is God’s will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord.
Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.
Alternatively,
Gathering Words #9a
The commitment of two individuals in marriage is of the heart, body, mind, and spirit, and is for the intention of mutual love, help, and comfort through the trials and triumphs of life.
It is a relationship not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but deliberately, lovingly, and reverently.
Knowing and embracing this, Bride and Groom have invited those present to witness their union.
Gathering Words #10
The marriage relationship provides the opportunity for the most intimate joining together of two people. This union occurs in heart, body, mind, and soul.
It is the most enduring and comprehensive relationship that can be experienced between two individuals.
Therefore, the choice to enter into marriage is profound.
In choosing a lifelong partner, we are choosing the one who will witness our changes and growth, and who will affect these changes and shape our maturation as well.
On this day, Bride and Groom are acknowledging their shared values and are choosing a future with each other, their destinies colored by having experienced life together.
Gathering Words #11
We are gathered here together as family and friends to celebrate the coming together of Groom and Bride.
We come to witness the joining of this man and this woman in marriage and to rejoice in their making of this important and lasting commitment.
The essence of the marriage relationship is the openness to another person in his or her entirety as lover, companion, and friend.
We join our lives together in search of something greater and richer; something that transcends our solitary lives.
Really loving one another with depth and passion is perhaps the greatest treasure we human beings can attain.
It adds richness and profound meaning to our lives. Love is one of life’s greatest joys.
By simply giving ourselves to each other, honestly and courageously, each partner is infinitely enhanced.
As companions in our day-to-day lives, we take pleasure in sharing our time, thoughts, and feelings.
We delight in reporting on our separate adventures in the world. These become the rhythm of life between devoted life partners as they build their life together.
In marriage, two lives are intimately shared; and the blending of the two must not diminish either one.
Rather, it should enhance the individuality of each partner.
As a marriage matures, it takes on a life of its own. And within it, each partner is individually evolving while growing in understanding of the other. This wonderful intimacy with another person can mirror a depth of inner knowing that awakens levels of awareness we never knew existed.
To be awakened in this way is a priceless gift.
When we give of ourselves into a loving Marriage Partnership, we do not abandon ourselves; we do not shed our individuality; for that is what brought us together in the first place.
Gathering Words #12
The marriage ceremony is a ritual representing an institution rooted in antiquity. Marriage serves as the model for all relationships. In marriage, two people turn to each other, reaching for a greater fulfillment than either can imagine achieving alone.
The marriage ceremony is a bold first step onto the path of your life together as husband and wife.
Each of you is risking what you are for the sake of what you yet can be.
Today, through the ritual of marriage, you are joining together in your entirety as lovers, companions, and friends.
Remember that this is a sacred union in which two people join together in a bond of loyalty, devotion, and freedom, allowing the eternal dimensions of life to emerge and be known.
Bride and Groom, this day not only signifies a celebration of shared values and commitment, but it attests to the fact that you have chosen to build your future together. Through the sacred vows of marriage you are saying that who you are and who you want to be can best be achieved through this union.
Bride and Groom, remember that love and faithfulness alone will provide a solid foundation for a long and happy marriage. No relationship is more tender than that of husband and wife. And no promises are more sacred than those of Marriage Partners.
In keeping faithfully to your vows and in bringing to this marriage the best that is within you, your life together will be filled with grace and joy, and your home will be a place of peace.
Gathering Words #13
Being married is like trying to keep your balance in a three-legged race.
You are walking side by side in a forward momentum, yet each of you is making choices, moment by moment, that will either help you maintain balance together or cause you to lose your rhythm, your balance, or your way.
While you are two separate individuals, you walk along one path together. Your every gesture, word, expression, and action, and those you withhold or omit, will determine the quality of your experience together.
It is through loving, kindness, caring, and sharing that a successful marriage journey is created.
A good marriage takes patience, dedication, humor, and forgiveness.
You keep your love alive through the choices you make moment by moment, day after day, and year after year.
Through practice, you learn how to love yourselves and each other with devotion and freedom.
Spiders build webs, birds build nests, and we build safe and comfortable havens through our loving.
Bride and Groom, through your marriage, and through your love, may you give the gifts of tenderness, comfort, joy, and peace to each other to nurture you throughout the years.
The following passages (Gathering Words #14–17) express sentiments regarding the Couple’s gratitude for having their family and friends with them on their wedding day.
Gathering Words #14
One of the great joys of the wedding day is the joining together of the couple’s families and friends. Bride and Groom are filled with gratitude to each and every one of you for the loving, caring, friendship, and support that you have given them throughout their lives.
Being able to share their wedding day with you, surrounded by your love and support, is a treasured blessing.
Knowing that your best wishes go forward with Bride and Groom strengthens them as they embark upon their journey as husband and wife.
Gathering Words #15
Bride and Groom have asked all of you to be with them today because each of you has given something of yourself into their lives.
Your friendship and love will always be appreciated. They welcome you here and thank you for sharing this important day with them.
Gathering Words #16
Bride and Groom are truly blessed to be surrounded by their dearest family and friends. They are so grateful to you for all of the unconditional love, joy, support, and guidance you have given them over the years. They deeply appreciate having you all here with them today to share their joy and to celebrate their marriage.
Gathering Words #17
Bride and Groom have brought us together here for an occasion of great joy and a cause for great celebration. Having found each other, they have built the kind of relationship that will serve them well as the foundation for their marriage. They have chosen each and every one of us to be here with them to witness their Wedding Vows as they join together as Partners in Marriage.
Each of us knows that a marriage is not created by a law or a ceremony; rather it occurs in the hearts of two human beings. It grows out of loving,caring, and sharing ourselves with another.
And so it is that Bride and Groom have connected their hearts and souls, one to the other, drawing upon the depths of their being, into the deep well of human need—the need to live united, loving, and complete.
So, in witnessing this ceremony today, we are observing only an outward sign of an inward union that already exists between Bride and Groom.
Today, they have come before us to publicly affirm their love; to promise to nurture themselves, each other, and this union; and to acknowledge its centrality in their lives.
They do so knowing that marriage is at once the most tender, yet challenging, of all relations in life.
And so, we have gathered here together as family and friends to witness and to celebrate the coming together of Bride and Groom as they enter into the sacred and joyous covenant of marriage.
Another appropriate theme for the Gathering Words is to offer guests the opportunity to rededicate themselves to their own marriages or primary relationships.
Gathering Words #18
As we rejoice in Bride and Groom’s marriage today, let us each consecrate the relationships in our own lives and rededicate ourselves to these unions we share.
Let us each choose the path of loving and caring for one another and of making these commitments a priority in our lives.
A nice ending for the Gathering Words might be as follows.
Gathering Words #19
So let us come together now, as families and friends, to witness, to support, and to celebrate this union of Bride and Groom.
Please join me in wishing them a healthy, loving, and joyful marriage.
Sometimes, the wedding location bears particular meaning for the Couple and they like to share that with their guests in the Gathering Words, as in the following two examples.
Gathering Words #20
We are gathered here in this beautiful place to witness the joining of Bride and Groom in marriage.
They particularly wanted to invite you here because their sense of spirituality and the growth of their love are connected to this place. They wanted to share with you the beauty of these mountains because this is where they have made their home.
During their seven and a half years together, they’ve come here on many mornings like this one, and walked quietly through the mountain laurel, listening to the wind in the pines.
Their time spent in nature,climbing some of the mountains you see before you here, has been a time of connectedness, of shared reverence for the world, and a deepening respect and love for one another.
It is this sense of timelessness and peace that they wanted to share with you on this, their wedding day.
As you look out over the mountains, please take a moment for reflection and quiet prayer to open your hearts and minds to the love and togetherness we are here to share through this ceremony.
You may also want to take a moment to remember those loved ones who are not with us today.
Gathering Words #21
Dear friends, we are gathered together for an occasion of great joy.
We are assembled in this beautiful place to witness the joining of Bride and Groom in marriage.
They wanted to invite you here to experience a place that has special meaning to them and has nurtured their love for each other.
Just being here together, listening to the birds and feeling the wind and breezes, seeing an occasional deer, fox, or hawk, has affirmed for them the beauty of the connection that exists between us all and the need to fill themselveswith the soft and gentle things of life.
As physicians, Bride and Groom often get swallowed up by the fast pace of life, as many of us do.
But here, they come home to that tender place inside that is nurtured by nature’s beauty, timelessness, and peace.
It was here on this rock ledge that Bride and Groom first declared their love for each other.
And it was here that they decided to share their lives as husband and wife.
So it is only fitting that we are gathered here today.
They’ve learned here that the process of falling in love with another person is a little like the exploration of a wild and lovely place, and that loving another person can deepen your sense of connectedness to all of life. They have found that the intimacy and the surprises of that experience are a form of reverence and can be a form of wholeness.
And it is this that they wanted to share with you on the day of their wedding.
The final two selections of Gathering Words serve as examples of what a couple might do to create an intimate sharing of their story with their guests. In the first case, the couple was interracial and had faced many extra trials and triumphs in their love.
The second is a shorter, heartfelt, yet lighthearted story of finding your love in unexpected places.
Gathering Words #22
As an ecumenical minister, one of my basic beliefs is in the importance of unconditional loving.
That means that we love others not because they are handsome or rich or only do what we like, but we love them no matter what they say or do.
Our loving is not conditioned by the other person’s behavior, but rather it pours forward from a wellspring of loving that we tap into inside of ourselves.
We choose to love them through good times and bad— just the way the classic wedding vows suggest.
Those of us who are fortunate enough to heal our misconceptions about loving learn that true and sustainable love comes forth from within,rather than in reaction to others. Ever so rarely,we meet a person who radiates love, and we just want to be around them.
Those of us who are most fortunate are able to express unconditional loving and find a wonderful partner who can do that also— that’s where the true magic of love comes in.
Today, we all have the privilege of witnessing and celebrating the union of two such people.
Bride and Groom have a love story that is filled with wisdom and inspiration for us all.
So let me tell you their story.
Once upon a time there was a little girl named Bride, and a little boy named Groom, who went to the same school where her father was the principal. When they were in fifth grade, Groom first saw Bride at a softball game, and he started watching for her everywhere he went.
In sixth grade, they were in the same class and Groom knew that this was the girl for him and that, someday, they would be boyfriend and girlfriend.
He told his friends this and they, of course, told him he was crazy. But Groom wasn’t crazy, and he was very patient. Bride still didn’t realize it, but Groom was always keeping his eye on her.
They became good friends until the ninth grade when Bride wrote Groom a letter to let him know that she wanted to be his girlfriend. Then, on October 28, 1983, he asked her out and she said yes!
There were no games— they knew that they were boyfriend and girlfriend. And it didn’t take long before they realized that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.
They simply loved each other, and shared a powerful commitment to that love that carried them through good times and bad times in a world filled with challenges, including racial prejudice and rules about who should be with whom.
But the fact that the chemical composition of their skin tones was different mattered to them about as much as having different blood types and eye colors.
Over the years, not only did they see beyond society’s barriers and challenges, they also served as an example to others who learned through them how to do that as well.
So why didn’t they just get married many years ago? I wondered. And so I asked.
Bride never thought that Groom would propose and, while that might not have made sense to others, it was OK with Bride.
She knew they would always be together and that was what she wanted most of all.
Meanwhile, Groom knew he had some feelings he needed to heal within himself before he could be as secure and confident as he wanted to be as a man entering marriagewith woman of a different race in this world of ours. And so, he set about working things through. And Bride was patient.
Then, on October 22, 2000, he went out, bought a ring, and asked her parents’ permission.
He got down on his knee and proposed to Bride, and she cried and cried and cried… and of course she said yes.
And so here we are, one year later, and Bride and Groom are getting married after an eighteen-year journey of following their hearts together.
They still get all excited and filled with butterflies when they see each other at the end of the workday, and they still are best friends.
They have learned to rely on each other to make themselves stronger and better people.
How blessed we all are to be here with Bride and Groom today to celebrate the power of their love and their union as husband and wife.
This world of ours needs all the love it can get.
So let us learn through Bride and Groom’s example and let us all do everything we can to support them in keeping the flame of their love vibrant and radiant.
Gathering Words #23
As many of you know, Groom and Bride met at her veterinary office in Greenville, South Carolina, three years ago.
Groom had no idea that a thousand miles from where he grew up in rural Vermont amongst the dairy farms, he would meet a girl with a cow on her license plate; a girl that cut her own grass and drove a stick shift in a car with no air-conditioning; a girl that understood about such things as ice fishing and cross-country skiing.
He enlisted the help of his mom to find out if Bride was single.
That was something he had never done before.
Some say he poisoned his poor dog so he could return to the clinic week after week.
And so, they began their relationship as friends. Bride remembers dinners out with groups of friends.
Groom always made her feel like the most important person in the room.
She says sometime during those months of friendship, she fell in love. She isn’t sure of the exact moment. Perhaps it was a picnic in the woods, a surprise champagne toast with the purchase of her first car, or when Groom became an assistant with a caesarian section on a cow during a date.
Today, these friends become Marriage Partners, and the story continues.
Ceremonies With Hallie 